I dreamt myself alone. Without a home and a deranged soul. Everything awry from reality. My fears laying out in front of me. My innocence blackened and denied. I was thrown out and left in the cold. Surrounded by grey walls while you and she were in a warm room at a party.
Her thick arm wrapped around yours as mine were once. She gave me a look of victory, while you gave me a fickle excuse that left me empty. You’d said “maybe because of temptation or because you’re a caracas.”
I didn’t understand but I knew I was empty. Away from you sometimes but I didn’t think you’d give into temptation and abandon our love so easily and feel nothing.
My heart heavy and life at a halt I sank down into my grey setting. With sadness thick in the air my family buzzed past me as ghosts. Trying to snap out but I sat in ball on the hard couch of my dream. They were sorry for my pain. They wanted to take it away but couldn’t.
Your family on the other hand oblivious to my pain. Oblivious of emptiness caused y your actions. Realization setting that it was all inevitable.
I wake to reality in my bed surrounded by a cold summer morning. My heart throbbing with my dreamt pain.
As I looked at him that afternoon I questioned his touch. I questioned his smiles, kisses, his presence, and his love. I questioned my belonging in his arms. I trembled in fear at his touch as I didn’t think it was real. It didn’t feel real at least.
Even though he was holding me to his heart I felt away in a land where I didn’t belong. A sad grey world full of pain.